People Who Don't Want Help

Not everyone who tells you their problem(s) wants your help. Some of you would say, "What do you mean?", "That doesn't make sense!" etc....but, it is true.💁‍♀️

Some people,
- just want to vent, let out steam, release their frustrations
- manage their own problems better when they "talk it out", when they can "say it out loud enough to hear it for themselves".
- just want sympathy, or want you to know they have problems too, or want to build allies - ever heard: "misery loves company".
- just tell you their problems so you don't tell them yours or expect them to help you.
- don't want your help, they just want to test you. You respond - they say you have saviour-complex or you don't respond - they say you are mean spirited.
- are "happiest?" or most in their "element?" when they're talking about their problems and other people's problems....and being the center of attention.

So don't get upset over it. I have literally seen people work themselves up to a frenzy, get very upset or irritated they ruin their whole day, give themselves severe migraine.... because someone wouldn't accept or take the solution they're offering.

Once you understand the following...
1: that it is not about you (their refusal really has nothing to do with who you are) but more about who they are or, their level of understanding or, their inert character or, their level of perception or, their self-limiting-belief or general belief-system, or, their custom or culture, or their prejudice
2: that you cannot drink paracetamol for everyone's headache because you alone will suffer from the side effects
3: there's no satisfaction in forcing your help on someone who clearly needs it but doesn't want it
4: some people don't believe they deserve all the good things that life has in store for them, no matter what you say or do
5: some people are too scared of failing or making mistakes to even try, no matter what you say
6: some people are preconditioned to never accept help...or are too proud...or see accepting help as a sign of weakness or would see it as offensive if you offer to help
7: making someone do something they don't want can in the long run produce little or no satisfactory result(s)
8: you cannot force a connection
9: some people refuse to rise above past negatives or leave what they believe to be their comfort zone
10: they might not feel they can trust your solution (the solution you are providing)
11: they may have a fixed mindset and only see more problems for every solution you present.
12:
13: that you are not "Tequila", you can't make everyone happy
.....it becomes easier to let go.

Be like the river (water) and just flow. Walk away from people who refuse to see your worth, your light. Walk away from negative people - you cannot expect to live a positive life hanging out with one. Don't be afraid to lose the wrong people rather be afraid of losing yourself people-pleasing.

Focus your time and energy helping those "who want your help". You get a better resolution and you feel better inside.

Remember, even in nature,
- water does not fight obstacles....it just follows (flows) the path of least resistance or it pools and increases until it can flow right over the obstacle.
- wind does not fight obstacles....it just follows the path of least resistance (goes aroundtheobstacle) or it pools and increases until it has built enough force to clear (uproot with little or no energy) the obstacle and continue on its merry way.

Even if you think "it is stupid not to accept your help", or you think "their reason for not accepting the solution is idiotic or doesn't make sense" or you think "the person is stupid" .....don't argue....just let it go. It's their decision and right not to accept your help.

You don't have to UNDERSTAND it, you don't have to fight it, you just have to ACCEPT it. Let them come to you when they're READY.
Take it "out of your thoughts and out of your mind". Focus on the people who WANT your help/assistance/wisdom/solution. You - will - be - happier - for - it!😁💯.

Now, will this be easy for some to do?...NO. But will it be worth it?....ABSOLUTELY 😄

I will finish this post with this quote by Mark Twain — 'Never argue with stupid people. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.' Lots of love💕 from ObyGraceNneka 🙋🏽‍♀️

Why We Should Have Effective Communication

Hello everyone. Hope you're all keeping safe. Today, I want to talk about something I've discussed a couple of times with people and seem to be noticing alot more lately during this pandemic/lockdown.

 So what am I on about..."not letting people complete their thoughts before jumping in to add our 6-pence".🤷‍♀️🙊

Image from Pinterest 

 I find some people assume that "they know - better" where your train of thoughts is going, what you were trying to or about to say before you finish talking. And so cut you off mid-sentence.

 1st: it-is-rude and inappropriate.
 2nd: it is embarrassing when we find out, it wasn't what the person was trying to say.
 3rd: it wastes time, especially if
 - there was a sense of urgency to the information being delivered (time sensitive information)
 - it causes the person to lose their train of thought or totally forget what they were trying to say
 4th: it could create unnecessary tension or worst case senerio, a fight and loss of relationship.
 5th: it could lead to confrontation which - causes us stress - causes our blood pressure to rise - changes our frame of mind - changes our emotional state
 Hence messing up the rest of our day or weeks
We're not in the other person's head, so we must NEVER presume to know what they're trying to say to us...that is why it is imperative to let them complete their thought (land) even if you think it's long.
Maybe, there's a connection to everything they have to say....but the initial statements weren't the point they were making.

Image from Joel Comm Twitter

 Be patient. Let the person who you are talking to get their point across. Listen actively, completely absorb their point and understands it....then respond, this is when communication becomes effective.

 A wise person knows that it is more important to listen - "really listen" - than to speak hence the reason we have 2 ears and 1 mouth!

Image from quotespedia

 My advice today: Listen, Stop interrupting - It could save your relationships🤷‍♀️🤔

 Have a great day, keep safe, practice effective communication and enhance your self growth journey. Lots of love from Lipstickmouth💋