Neglect

DISPLACED ENERGY

"The people you're giving all your energy to.. on your way up, will they give as much or any of their energy to you on your way down?" By ObyGraceNneka.

Hello everyone🙋🏽‍♀️, it's been "a minute" since my last post. How are you all? Great I pray!🙏

So today, I want to chat about "ENERGY"... your energy!

Question to ask yourself today...the people I'm giving 70 to 100% of my energy, are they the right people to be giving that much of my energy to....?

What do I mean by "energy"? 

What am I talking about? 

I'm talking about OUR time, OUR love, OUR  attention, OUR availability, OUR morning or day or evening or night, OUR money, OUR help/aid, OUR support, OUR advise, OUR knowledge and skills and expertise, OUR laughter and joy, OUR happy news, OUR social time, OUR holiday time, OUR life journey, etc 🤷🏽‍♀️.

Alot of times, we neglect our loved ones...the people that truly deeply love and care for us. We take them for granted... their loyalty, support, attention. We expect them to always be there for us when we need them, when the people we've devoted all our energy to including the world had turned their back on us, even though we're hardly or never been there for them.

Ask yourself, "these people I'm devoting 70 to 100% of my energy to, would they be there for me when am old and frail...or when everything goes south for me"?

I am not saying we should not give our energy to people outside this bubble. What I'm saying is:

1: do not neglect the ones who have always been their for you and will always be there for you....in your pursuit for fame, outside attention, greatness, wealth, friendship, fortune, recognition etc

2: do not share all your energy with others and leave the ones who truly care about you with nothing

3: be respectful, courteous, kind, loving, understanding, attentive, honest, patient, present....for they are the shoulders upon which you stand tall and strong

4: treat them how you would love to be treated when you have nothing or when your old and feeble 

5: Give a greater portion of your energy to them. 

Give 50% to yourself (because if you are depleted of energy, you can't give anything to anyone), 30 to 40% to the ones who truly deeply care about you...your dreams..your goals...your health...your welfare and would do anything to care and protect you, 10 to 20% to the world.

If you found this post useful...insightful, please LIKE and SHARE it. "Pay it forward"😍 Thanks a million👍🏼.  With lots of love from ObyGraceNneka 🙋🏽‍♀️

       Image from: grinvalds/Thinkstock

             Image from: scrubsmag

        Image from Dreamstime

Post by ObyGraceNneka 

People Who Don't Want Help

Not everyone who tells you their problem(s) wants your help. Some of you would say, "What do you mean?", "That doesn't make sense!" etc....but, it is true.💁‍♀️

Some people,
- just want to vent, let out steam, release their frustrations
- manage their own problems better when they "talk it out", when they can "say it out loud enough to hear it for themselves".
- just want sympathy, or want you to know they have problems too, or want to build allies - ever heard: "misery loves company".
- just tell you their problems so you don't tell them yours or expect them to help you.
- don't want your help, they just want to test you. You respond - they say you have saviour-complex or you don't respond - they say you are mean spirited.
- are "happiest?" or most in their "element?" when they're talking about their problems and other people's problems....and being the center of attention.

So don't get upset over it. I have literally seen people work themselves up to a frenzy, get very upset or irritated they ruin their whole day, give themselves severe migraine.... because someone wouldn't accept or take the solution they're offering.

Once you understand the following...
1: that it is not about you (their refusal really has nothing to do with who you are) but more about who they are or, their level of understanding or, their inert character or, their level of perception or, their self-limiting-belief or general belief-system, or, their custom or culture, or their prejudice
2: that you cannot drink paracetamol for everyone's headache because you alone will suffer from the side effects
3: there's no satisfaction in forcing your help on someone who clearly needs it but doesn't want it
4: some people don't believe they deserve all the good things that life has in store for them, no matter what you say or do
5: some people are too scared of failing or making mistakes to even try, no matter what you say
6: some people are preconditioned to never accept help...or are too proud...or see accepting help as a sign of weakness or would see it as offensive if you offer to help
7: making someone do something they don't want can in the long run produce little or no satisfactory result(s)
8: you cannot force a connection
9: some people refuse to rise above past negatives or leave what they believe to be their comfort zone
10: they might not feel they can trust your solution (the solution you are providing)
11: they may have a fixed mindset and only see more problems for every solution you present.
12:
13: that you are not "Tequila", you can't make everyone happy
.....it becomes easier to let go.

Be like the river (water) and just flow. Walk away from people who refuse to see your worth, your light. Walk away from negative people - you cannot expect to live a positive life hanging out with one. Don't be afraid to lose the wrong people rather be afraid of losing yourself people-pleasing.

Focus your time and energy helping those "who want your help". You get a better resolution and you feel better inside.

Remember, even in nature,
- water does not fight obstacles....it just follows (flows) the path of least resistance or it pools and increases until it can flow right over the obstacle.
- wind does not fight obstacles....it just follows the path of least resistance (goes aroundtheobstacle) or it pools and increases until it has built enough force to clear (uproot with little or no energy) the obstacle and continue on its merry way.

Even if you think "it is stupid not to accept your help", or you think "their reason for not accepting the solution is idiotic or doesn't make sense" or you think "the person is stupid" .....don't argue....just let it go. It's their decision and right not to accept your help.

You don't have to UNDERSTAND it, you don't have to fight it, you just have to ACCEPT it. Let them come to you when they're READY.
Take it "out of your thoughts and out of your mind". Focus on the people who WANT your help/assistance/wisdom/solution. You - will - be - happier - for - it!😁💯.

Now, will this be easy for some to do?...NO. But will it be worth it?....ABSOLUTELY 😄

I will finish this post with this quote by Mark Twain — 'Never argue with stupid people. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.' Lots of love💕 from ObyGraceNneka 🙋🏽‍♀️

Why We Should Have Effective Communication

Hello everyone. Hope you're all keeping safe. Today, I want to talk about something I've discussed a couple of times with people and seem to be noticing alot more lately during this pandemic/lockdown.

 So what am I on about..."not letting people complete their thoughts before jumping in to add our 6-pence".🤷‍♀️🙊

Image from Pinterest 

 I find some people assume that "they know - better" where your train of thoughts is going, what you were trying to or about to say before you finish talking. And so cut you off mid-sentence.

 1st: it-is-rude and inappropriate.
 2nd: it is embarrassing when we find out, it wasn't what the person was trying to say.
 3rd: it wastes time, especially if
 - there was a sense of urgency to the information being delivered (time sensitive information)
 - it causes the person to lose their train of thought or totally forget what they were trying to say
 4th: it could create unnecessary tension or worst case senerio, a fight and loss of relationship.
 5th: it could lead to confrontation which - causes us stress - causes our blood pressure to rise - changes our frame of mind - changes our emotional state
 Hence messing up the rest of our day or weeks
We're not in the other person's head, so we must NEVER presume to know what they're trying to say to us...that is why it is imperative to let them complete their thought (land) even if you think it's long.
Maybe, there's a connection to everything they have to say....but the initial statements weren't the point they were making.

Image from Joel Comm Twitter

 Be patient. Let the person who you are talking to get their point across. Listen actively, completely absorb their point and understands it....then respond, this is when communication becomes effective.

 A wise person knows that it is more important to listen - "really listen" - than to speak hence the reason we have 2 ears and 1 mouth!

Image from quotespedia

 My advice today: Listen, Stop interrupting - It could save your relationships🤷‍♀️🤔

 Have a great day, keep safe, practice effective communication and enhance your self growth journey. Lots of love from Lipstickmouth💋

Is Fear Good or Bad

I hear some people say alot, "Fear is bad, Fear is not good". But the truth is that like money, it is how we use it (apply it in our daily life) that can be good or bad.

 Image from newharbinger

 Fear is...
- a natural neurological response,
 - a necessary and powerful survival instinct,
- our mind's natural way of keeping us safe from real or imagined pain, danger or harm.

It triggers our fight or flight responses, heightens our senses and awareness, keeps us alert to danger and better prepared to deal with it.
 "I'm scared so I won't do it"
"I'm worried so I've got to be careful"
"I'm fearful so I'll run to safety"

Image from technologynetworks

 Our mind is hard-wired to protect us and it uses fear to do this. But in every situation that we sense fear and are about to react to it, we must ask ourselves this:

 "Am I letting this fear serve me or am I letting this fear rule (cripple, paralyzes, imprison, dominate, hold back, boxed-in) me?"

"Is this threat rational or real?"

By ObyGraceNneka
Follow me on Facebook at Lipstickmouth💋 for more posts like this and to interact with me🙋🏽‍♀️

The Winning Mindset

In life, we sometimes become "victims" of a bizzare or unfortunate situation and deeply believe that "the universe is picking on us"....or encounter events so horrendous, we wonder "Where is God?" or question if there's a God and why HE is letting such things happen to us or a loved one.

We see ourselves as victims because...
- we do not understand nor see the full picture (which - is - okay)
- of our perspective, our point of view, the angle from which we're looking at the issue.

From Pinterest 

Have we ever thought/ considered that
this inconvenient "thing", this "terrible thing", this "unfortunate event" is happening for a reason. For instance, it is happening to...
- protect us from or prepare us for something atrocious that will happen in the future or
- propel us into something magnificent that otherwise wouldn't have happened had we remained in our current situation.

Sometimes, we are so afraid or so reluctant to move forward (into our purpose, our hopes and dreams) that it literally has to take something huge ... something spectacular to force us forward. 

From Pinterest 

Story A: a very young pregnant girl abandoned by everyone (boy friend and her family) struggles to raise her child alone against all odds. 5 Years later, she meets her soul mate - a man made impotent by a baseball injury when he was a teenager. Also, she has cancer which left her barren.
Perspective: life cushioned her pain of not having a child with her soul mate by giving her a child when she was younger, and life reduced the blow of being barren in the future by giving her a child when her body could carry it.

Story B: a man is disowned by his family because he takes on a struggling widow from another ethnicity and her children against friends and family's advice. They marry and raise her twins as his own. Months later, he has a sports injury golfing which left him impotent.
Perspective: He would have ended up childless had he listened to these people and waited to marry someone from his ethnicity with no children.

From Pinterest 

Story C: an overworked and underpaid woman made homeless because she couldn't keep up her rent. Boss fires her because she was living in her car. As she's homeless, she couldn't get a new job so is forced to use her severance package to start a parcel delivery business. 1 Years later, her business is successful, her former home catches fire in the night and her former job folds.
Perspective: She could have died in the building had she not been made homeless. She wouldn't have got a severance package had she continued to work for the company

Story D: In the movie "You Got Mail". A young woman is forced to close her business - a little quaint bookshop she took over after her mother died - because a big bookshop opened across her. This sets a chain of event in motion in her life. For the first time she is forced to evaluate her life which up until then, she hadn't realised was just unfulfilled. She realises she loves writing and not keeping up her mother's shop has freed her up to new and exciting opportunities. Her relationship with a long time boy friend ends. They were not in love with each other...just going through the motion...which leaves her open to meet her one true love.
Perspective: had she continued to fight for her shop and successed in keeping it open....she would have continued in an unfulfilling job, a loveless relationship and not discovered this new world that opened up to her.

From Pinterest 

One thing we've got to remember, life is not perfect. In life there's always yin and yang, push and pull, good times and bad times. Life is full of good and bad, even a beautiful garden grows weeds.Even a broken clock tells the right time twice a day.

Never wallow in sorrow thinking you are the only one bad things happen to all or most times. Nobody...not one person has it easy all the time, not even the wealthy.
Life will take you up sometimes and it will bring you down, like the tide - it will ebb and then it will flow, like the hand on the clock - it will go up and then it will go down...that's the circle of life.

But guess what? It will change again. Hold on to that, keep your chin up because there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. You just have to keep trucking on.....believing in yourself... believing everything has a season and a reason....believing in your power to overcome. 

From Pinterest 

Written by OGN
Love always, Lipstickmouth 💋